we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Success! We fucked roommates!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
