gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
