Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
