so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
