i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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