every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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