Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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