After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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