ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
