I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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