I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
