My nipple is on Facebook.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
