i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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