Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
