even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
