No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
