According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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