They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
