you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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