my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
In America we eat man semen.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
