Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
