did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
