This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
