don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
