and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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