Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
