If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
