the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
