she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
