just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
