Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
