i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
