you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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