ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
