I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
