I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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