dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
