Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I met the friendliest cop last night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
