I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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