he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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