so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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