i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
