PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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