the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
