well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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