so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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