i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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