In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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