i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
