There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
