I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
so much tequila, so little girl.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
