chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
