I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
