Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
