Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
